Mommy Needs a Shave

It's true...I shaved my legs a few days ago for the first time in a month or so so that people would shut up about my ape-legs. I am normally covered in hair, and during the first year or two of my marriage, when we were living in a colder climate, I'd go - seriously! - as long as four months without shaving. But I actually found time to shave the other day - and my husband's request - for church.

What Mom has time to shave? I mean, let's be honest here...shaving my legs meant getting BACK into the tub (after a shower) with my little girl standing next to the tub saying, "Eeew, Mommy." Can't even get THAT much time to myself.

And being the Bad, Naughty Mommy that I am, I generally just throw on a pair of boots for church, amusing myself with the fact that under my sexy boots are hundreds upon hundreds of inch-long hairs.

Anyway, as my leg hair is again growing in full-throttle, I ran my hand over my leg this morning...and discovered about a hundred ingrown hairs. Always happens. I spend an hour or so scratching a few layers of skin off my shins to dig out the hairs, let them grow another month or two, and shave all over again, moisturizing and digging out, dreading the ingrown hair.

And that's when I begjn to think about my good friend The Hairless Wonder. She's half American Indian and other than your everyday average hair, she's got nothin'. Seriously. Girl can shave her legs and go almost 2 weeks before finding even a hint of leg hair. No happy trail sprouting up, no stray nipple hairs, no random chin hair, never needs to pluck her eyebrows or bleach her 'stache, no ingrowns, and if she got a bikini wax, I swear it'd last a year. Truly unbelievable.

I love her to death, don't get me wrong...but I'm SO bitter. SO VERY BITTER. Some Moms have all the luck. No kids hounding HER in the shower while she balances on one stork-like leg with a sharp implement in one hand...because she doesn't NEED to balance on one stork-like leg with a sharp implement in one hand. Now please excuse me while I go scratch off a few more layers of my flesh to free my evil leg hair, and line up some long pants for the next few days so that no one will know I'm not shaving. Oh, and I'll pull out my Sunday Boots while I'm at it. Nothing like being a Bad, Naughty Mommy on Sunday!